the last blog entry date - October 8, 2007
weird.
So I went to this youth conference called Steubenville.
Everything about it was INTENSE. the trip there.. being there.. the trip back..
INTENSE.
It's crazy how you can learn so much about yourself in less than 3 days.
I wanted to go to this, to find answers, i wanted to take myself away from drama, i wanted to get away,
i wanted to hear God's voice, hear that everything is going to be okay, I wanted to feel sparks
I wanted to feel renewed. fresh. rejuvenated.
So the day before Steubenville, I started packing immediately after i woke up and then waited for the okay to head out to thee boyfriends house.
I watched him pack. We took naps. Then went to Mike's class. After Mikes class, Tony, Amy, Paula and I chilled at Tim's house. I took a lot of naps. I felt like i was waking up every 15-30 minutes.
I felt this rush of excitement when i saw almost everyone waiting outside infront of the gl room.
The bus came a little late.. and after we were on an hour into the trip, 2 of the tires flew off, so we were stranded in like desert palms. right next to a freaking cemetary. So we waited for about 2 hours for another bus to rescue us. The bus that came to rescue us was a party bus! there was a stripper pole at the end, and it was pretty much laid out like the inside of a limo. It's not the kind of bus you take for long trips. =/
Day 1 FRIDAYIt was raining in certain areas of Tuscon. The sight of lightning scares me. I was searching for comfort. I was feeling a little down because of how things were starting off. I was thinking that since things are starting off pretty lame, that the whole rest of the weekend would be pretty lame too. because i can't have fun or be happy when i've hurt someone, and didn't mean to, and feel like i can't be forgiven. especially if its someone i look up to, someone i always want by my side, someone i admire, and truly love. So we missed dinner, praise and worship.. and adoration. Slowly i was bottling up anger inside of me. the bus driver was making wrong turns and we were a long walk away from our dorms. and after the girl situation, I just wanted to go to bed hoping saturday would be a better day. Beverly was my dorm buddy, and i was really thankful for that. We were able to bond and we got the chance to talk. After venting to her, i felt a little better.
Day 2 SATURDAY
So I woke up at around 5ish. I was feeling heartsick. I wasn't too much of a happy person.
I wanted to get rid of the anger bottling up inside of me. I wanted to release the mess of emotions.
That night was adoration. I was only feeling unworthy. Because all i could picture was Jesus standing before all my failures, and how He carried that cross for my shame, and with all my sins weighing down His shoulders.
When the band stopped singing, i got the chillls, it was just pure instrumental and the voices of the people around you singing.. and it was beautiful. All the emotions bottled up inside of me came out. I didn't care anymore. I didn't want to care anymore. At that point it was like God was listening. And all i wanted was to soar high above all the things bottled up inside of me, and rest in His open arms of love. I felt like he tore down this wall.
Day 3 SUNDAY
Beverly and I decided to stay up for girl talk with the other girls for a few hours. So when we should have been sleeping, we were in paula and maivy's dorm. I had a good time. I was reminded of little memories that I had forgotten all about. I went to bed happy. The last womens session was really touching. I was touched by the number of girls that were changed by this youth conference. I was touched by what they had to say. and watching all these girls come up without any hesitation was amazing. I saw Christ in each and every one of them. They were all beautiful.
I was also touched by the testimonies given in the bus ride. They made me teary eyed. I was impressed and inspired.
I still have more to say. but i'm tired. nap time. <3
In my heart and my soul,
Lord I give You control,
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Never endingYour glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heartIs to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
No comments:
Post a Comment