i can't sleep.

i'll probably be up for a while again tonight. these tears won't stop

for the past few days, i've been crying

i've layed in bed, thinking, wondering what the futures going to be like

it's almost time. the day's almost here.

inside i'm dying. its too hard to stop the tears now.

its a friday night, and usually theres someone to talk to

i hate this lonely feeling.

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i feel like shit could have happend to me last night.

as i was pacing back and forth, i couldn't help but cry

because for once, i was scared to go home

for once, the night sky scared me

the cold air scared me

it was so quiet. the sound of my own footsteps scared me

and made me walk faster

i walked passed cops, hoping they wouldn't look up from filling up their gas tanks.

more walking, as i was reaching closer to home, a light shines on me, it was the taxi that passed by me a few minutes before, it made a u turn for me. i didn't think i'd ever find myself in a situation like that, where a guy tells you to get in and offers you a ride. a complete stranger. taking what i had learned in grade school, i refused the offer. scariest moment ever.

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my summer is coming to an end, i didn't get to do all of the things i wanted to get accomplished. but its alright. theres always next summer.

i went to the beach today. i was hoping to be there for a long time. i know it sounds so corny and cheesy but ever since i was a kid, i've always wanted to lay out in the sand next to my significant other, build sandcastles for fun, act like kids, give each other piggy back rides, go bike riding, and walk down the pier and play 20 questions.

i know one day it will happen. today just wasn't the day for it.

i also went bowling today. i wasn't completely satisfied with how my night ended. i still wanted to do so much more. i wanted to say so much but couldn't find the right moment. the right time.

the bonfire was also today.

i kinda wanted to go, but at the same time i didn't. i was scared of getting the uncomfy feeling that other people felt at the last bonfire they had together.

but there were some people i wanted to see though. like pamela, before she left for berkley. (sp?)

and jon, and brian.