sigh

Our passes expired on sunday, unfortunately we didn't get to go again and have ice cream like we planned, but we were able to go on friday and I had an amazing time.

As days go by, as they start and as they end, I find myself thinking too much about the future and end up crying my eyes out until I'm tired of crying or until I get my act together. When I have to break the news to the close people in my life, my eyes start to water, because the thought of leaving these people for 3-4 years hurts. Friends have said that I could just say no and get out of this easily.. but it isn't easy like that.. at least not with my mom. Only family can convince her. and the fact that I'm already 18 and legal doesn't make any difference. Sure, I should be able to make my own decisions, but she doesn't give a shit. My sister thinks I shouldn't come because it gets lonely there now that the girl cousins are gone and off to college or off to start their lives. She only has one more year to go, but for me, I have 3-4 years to go through.. I find that I'm only going to isolate myself because I'm different from everyone there. I have no knowledge of any dialect there and I'd fail miserably on getting around. This is hard to go through... and I know I shouldn't let this affect me a different way but I am.. I'm starting to doubt myself.