where have you been?

When I lose a friend, I think, I wonder, why.. how..
I've lost a lot of friends in the past
Sure.. I could still call them friends, but they aren't really friends now, I see them more as acquaintances..

I don't really know where I'm going with this to be quite honest..
I guess I'm just deeply hurt right now.
I mean after going thru my memories, my keepsakes..
I came across this letter, written to me during my first time at steubenville.
when I first read this letter it made me realize how lucky I am to have a sort of older brother figure in my life, to watch over me, and actually love me.
We've been though GL the longest with each other. You watched me grow from this shy girl in a St. Polycarp uniform into a bright , smiling personality that I've come to obtain. You've seen me grow spiritually and closer to the church. You admit to feeling happy that you were able to go through all of this with me and in this letter.. this stood out to me the most, "If i knew then what I know now, I would have probably tried to stay closer to you sooner, because you really are a special person that someone only meets once in their lifetime. I hope that I never lose the friendship that we have. I really am sorry about how much I pick on you. I don't mean to so much, but you're like my sister and it sort of comes naturally. I'm sorry. I really do mean well, and I try my best to look out for you for everything you've done for me and believe me it's a lot."

well what do I think of this? BULL FUCKING SHIT! and I wish i didn't have to think of it this way, but I can't help it when the exact opposite is happening.
I can't even call you a friend anymore after all the times you've pushed me away!
after all the times you've rejected hanging out, and left me hanging..
It hurts how I've tried to stay close to you, how I've tried to contact you and you couldn't even call back, or text me back, or even ATTEMPT to do anything to keep our friendship!

You may be going through something right now, but it doesn't give you the reason to push your friends out of your life and leave them hanging

I may not call you a friend right now, but I know that the second you attempt to text me or call me or talk to me or whatever, I will be there, because thats what friends do, and I've been there for you since day 1 just like how you used to be there for me..